Having just wrapped up Honesty Week where I gave people a clear look into the inner workings of everything Casey Palmer, I figured it’s a good time to answer the question that my friend Andrea (http://imadoodle.blogpost.com) hit me with — WHY be honest?
I think honesty is key to any good relationship. Many relationships are slain where they stand because at some point, somebody involved chooses to be dishonest. Honesty involves transparency, guts and vulnerability, but the more honest we all choose to be collectively, the easier life will be.
But while it’s easy to see the perils of lying and where it can muddle the understanding we have between one another, it doesn’t mean that BOTH honesty and lying are without their caveats:
1: You’re Being TOO HONEST
It’s all in the delivery. It’s good to be honest, but when you know that the information you have might hurt someone, or the audience is too sensitive, and you know that they won’t be able to handle whatever it is that you have to say, you really need to consider HOW you’re going to deliver the information.
- work up to your point gradually and gently
- try and find a nicer way to make your point
- learn to omit hurtful comments if they don’t HELP anyone
2: Do You Lie to Justify?
Have you ever lied to yourself to justify the actions you’re taking?
- I need to break the rules in order to get things done faster
- I know she told me not to buy it, but she’ll love it when she sees it
- I know it’s not good for me, but it can’t hurt if I do it JUST this once
We lie to ourselves and others to clear our consciences. We don’t want to knowingly do something wrong — it might keep us up at night. It might come back to bite us in the butt. So we lie. We tell ourselves that everything’s going to be okay… even in the situations where logic and common sense very much point to a different outcome.
- be HONEST about the situation you’re in
- own up to mistakes rather than try to sweep them under the rug to keep people happy
- small lies eventually turn into big ones if you let them; if you already lied, fess up QUICKLY
3: It Was Better Not to Have Said Anything at All!
Some people just have big mouths. They can’t help but get a point out or insert themselves into conversations which they have no business being a part of. The wrong words (especially used at the wrong time) can have catastrophic impacts, making it near impossible to remedy a situation.
- THINK (before you SPEAK) about the consequences of your words and how they affect your relationships
- Recognize the A-B conversation — if you aren’t in the original conversation, consider carefully if you actually have any right to be involved
- if the words start coming out, try and catch yourself. Read the reactions and expressions of the person you’re speaking to and try to adjust your approach accordingly
4: Should’ve Nipped it in the Bud When You Had the Chance!
Like I mentioned before, what starts as a small white lie can quickly snowball into a monster of a lie, leaving people to try and tell what’s real from what’s fake, forcing the liar to come up with additional lies to support the original lie, and reduces everybody’s confidence in the situation.
- read this post and don’t lie — it won’t help you
- honesty is always the best policy, even when it hurts
- two wrongs don’t make a right; don’t let a lie lead to another lie
So don’t let yourself get caught in a lie. Honesty will set you free, even if you have to break a few hearts in the process.
–Casey E. Palmer