Casey Palmer summarizes Stephanie Meyer’s “Twilight” series.

Ugh. It’s basically like this:
Bella whines.
Edward reveals that he and his “family” are vampires.
James, who is awesome (and looks to be portrayed by an awesome actor), almost kills Bella.
Which would’ve made me very happy. But she lives.
Which means sequel.
Crap.
Book two.
Bella whines.
Jacob Black and her become BFF… or BFUECB (Best Friends Until Edward Comes Back)
Jasper dies because he is stupid.
OMG, EDWARD’S GONNA COMMIT SUICIDE.
Bella saves him.
OMG VOLTURI.
The end.
Oh crap.
Sequel.
Book three.
Jacob: ILU, Bella.
Edward: ILU, Bella.
Bella: wtf.
Bella whines some more.
OMG NO, NEWBORNS!
Werewolves + Vampires = ULTIMATE TEAM-UP!!!
Victoria loses her head. Literally.
The end.
BUT NOT BEFORE ANOTHER SEQUEL!!!
Book four.
Bella’s not done whining yet.
Bella and Edward get married.
Bella gets pregnant with something that’s OBVIOUSLY killing her—but no. She loves it. R U STUPID, BELLA?!
Anyway.
Bella gives birth, becomes vampire, Jacob falls in love with Renesmee, Bella wants to kill him, Volturi come to kill everyone (please?) but fail…
Ugh.
That… ugh.
THIS SERIES HURTS MY BRAIN.

By Casey E. Palmer

Calling the Great White North his home, Casey‘s spent the last few decades in pursuit of creating killer content. From novels as a kid, comics as a teen, to blogs and photos once he could grow a beard, he’ll use whatever’s around him to create amazing stuff.

When he’s not creating, he’s parenting, exploring and trying to make life as awesome as possible for everyone around him.

Because a boring life’s not a life worth living!

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