Casey Palmer summarizes Stephanie Meyer’s “Twilight” series.

Ugh. It’s basically like this:
Bella whines.
Edward reveals that he and his “family” are vampires.
James, who is awesome (and looks to be portrayed by an awesome actor), almost kills Bella.
Which would’ve made me very happy. But she lives.
Which means sequel.
Crap.
Book two.
Bella whines.
Jacob Black and her become BFF… or BFUECB (Best Friends Until Edward Comes Back)
Jasper dies because he is stupid.
OMG, EDWARD’S GONNA COMMIT SUICIDE.
Bella saves him.
OMG VOLTURI.
The end.
Oh crap.
Sequel.
Book three.
Jacob: ILU, Bella.
Edward: ILU, Bella.
Bella: wtf.
Bella whines some more.
OMG NO, NEWBORNS!
Werewolves + Vampires = ULTIMATE TEAM-UP!!!
Victoria loses her head. Literally.
The end.
BUT NOT BEFORE ANOTHER SEQUEL!!!
Book four.
Bella’s not done whining yet.
Bella and Edward get married.
Bella gets pregnant with something that’s OBVIOUSLY killing her—but no. She loves it. R U STUPID, BELLA?!
Anyway.
Bella gives birth, becomes vampire, Jacob falls in love with Renesmee, Bella wants to kill him, Volturi come to kill everyone (please?) but fail…
Ugh.
That… ugh.
THIS SERIES HURTS MY BRAIN.