Last updated on April 6th, 2021 at 02:50 am
It’s Friday and my brain is fried, accordingly. Sometimes you just don’t have the mental capacity to write anything profound, and this is one of those days! So instead, you get a post of me just being completely foolish.
I don’t remember where this image came from, but I know it was in my email and I felt like sharing it :
And of course, this is a Jamaican joke that always cracks me up:
The National Poetry Contest was now down to the last two contestants; a Yale graduate and a Jamaican Rasta man. They were given a word and were allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word.
The word they were given was “ Timbuktu ”.
First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:
“Slowly across the desert sand,
trekked a lonely caravan;
Men on camels…two by two;
their destination? Timbuktu.”
A big applause went up! No way could the Rasta man top that, they thought.
The Rasta man calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:
“Me and Tim, went on de road,
three thief stop wi, an want wi load.
They were three and we were two
So I bucked one and Timbuktu.”
The crowd went wild!!
The Rasta man won. Of course!!
But … what about the magic of punnery? These (sometimes politically incorrect) puns were once sent my way, and now I share them with you lucky readers!
- A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
- Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, “Dam!”
- Two Inuit sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
- Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies “Yes, I’m positive.”
- Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
- A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?”, they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
- A woman delivers a set of identical twins and decides to give them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”
- A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to “persuade” the friars to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
- Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, dude, this is so bad, it’s good…) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
- And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
If you too had a rough week, I’m sure that at least something in this post made you smile 😊 If not, I’m unsure that you actually have a sense of humour, but worry not—it doesn’t make you any less of a person 😊
Good night all,