How long can we remain passionate about something? Is our passion a flame that can burn eternally, or is it something that goes the way of most things, fizzling out with the passage of time?
What good are we to the world if we keep operating beyond our limits, trying to eke out just a little more greatness?
What do you write about after so much content? The brain gets drained, the topics feel used up — what else could there be?
These are the questions that haunt me as I try to wrap up a year of posting, with pieces of blogs scattered from place to place across computers and stored in the cloud.
Once you fall off of the track and don’t do things with the pace and intensity that you’re used to, it’s hard to get back on. I’m almost a week behind in posts, and I don’t feel the same sense of urgency that I used to in catching up when I’ve lost time.
Have I lost my passion for blogging? Have I given up and chosen to take life in a different direction? Does this happen to everyone who devotes 365 days to doing something? Have our abilities for commitment waned so much that we just can’t devote our lives like we used to?
Sometimes it just feels forced.
Upon writing this, I’m more than a month behind in getting my blogs out. On one hand, I doubt too many people are surprised — it was a tough topic and I was definitely getting burnt out.
But why did I even bother making a promise that I couldn’t keep? That’s what I find myself asking now.
These days, I’ve been looking to the future instead of simply trying to make sense of my life as it is right now. I’ve learned that if who we are isn’t who we want to be, you’re never going to end up becoming whoever it is you want to be without the willingness to put in the blood, sweat and tears needed to get there.
Where I’m at in life right now, I’m no life coach. I’m no personal trainer. I’m not a psychiatrist, mentor or help line — I’m just a guy who thinks the world could be a better place. But belief isn’t passion, and you need the latter to change how people perceive the former.
And it’s just not in me.
So here I am, posting in the last five days of 2011, trying to catch up with 45 posts before the clock is up. I don’t know if I’ll make it, I don’t know if there’s quite a point to it after being so sidetracked by life, but I’m going to put an effort out and see what happens!
Wish me luck, everyone — I’m really going to need it!
–Casey E. Palmer