There are some things that genuinely make me sad. The dissolving of a solid friendship when I put a ton of effort into something only to have it fail miserably. Sometimes though, it’s the difficult choices we need to make in life and doing things we might not want to do, but have to.
You might see a bit of contrast between this and my general viewpoint of engineering your life so that you don’t have to do the things you don’t want to, but some things are simply unavoidable.
This time it was delivering news I didn’t want to deliver.
At work, I got a promotion. It’s great and it’s exciting, but I feel that it put me in a very funny place. While i was referred over by a good friend of mine and am completely willing to put the work in to be successful — the position I’m currently holding is one I’ve only had for a few months. I’m blessed to have been offered this opportunity, but I really feel like the team and I were starting to make progress!
In the beginning, I’d stay that they didn’t like or trust me — and for good reason; many of us had been competing for the position I wound up with, which one of them had been filling temporarily. Put that on top of several changes in management, a bunch of work that they’d all done many times that never wound up getting used and a number of political reasons, and I could totally understand where they were coming from.
What I wanted to prove to them is that I could be trusted. That I’d be willing to work as hard as possible to hit our goals and make use of all the things they’d worked so hard to accomplish. I wanted to hear them out and to share my knowledge and experiences with them wherever possible. I wanted to show them that they could work past all off the things making them feel defeated and find some hope out there in the world.
So what does this make me now? A phoney? A hypocrite? Was this just somewhere to hang my hat for a few seconds while I sought something else? While those thoughts rumble at the back of my head, I remind myself that the job found me and that I wasn’t looking to abandon ship.
But here I am, situation before me, needing to figure out how to break the news to a team with whom I’d only begun to foster a relationship. I wish I’d had more time, but I guess all I can do now is accomplish the most that I can in the days left to me.
–Casey E. Palmer