Originally published at 4:15 PM on May 28, 2011 — the day Sarah and I married.
For ages, I didn’t think myself the type to marry. I was young, free to do as I pleased, and the world my oyster when it came to women—or so was my naïve thinking about marriage for several years.
Now, on the day of my wedding, my thinking couldn’t be more different. I know that there’s a lot of people out there in the 18-34 age category who have marriage as the last thing on their minds (yes, mostly guys), but I don’t think it’s as bad as people make it out to be.
It’s not your grandparents’ world out there in the big city; the priorities have changed, and the focus shifted. We don’t marry at 12 anymore.
I hear it all the time: commitment issues, the inability to find someone, still too young to marry — all fine reasons, but if you keep living your life wondering “What if,” you’ll never get around to doing anything.
The transition into marriage wasn’t easy at all, but let’s look at some reasons why I eventually decided that tying the knot was better for me than living the aimless life of a bachelor:
- We make about the same salary, so there’s not much of a net loss if divorce were to happen.
- There’s more spending power in two incomes than a singular one. So, we can stop buying things for ourselves and start combining our incomes for more substantial purchases.
- You get to add better anniversary gifts to the list of things you get each year… so I’m told.
- God wants His children married in holy matrimony — that’s mentioned pretty early on. As Christians, it was a step that we were going to take sooner or later — but not until we were ready.
- Sarah and I have many of the same fundamental values on top of our faith.
- Sarah and I love one another. I’m not talking about that puppy love that you experience when you first start dating someone — in the course of a relationship, you get to know each other. Learn what makes the other person tick. The buttons you can press without knowing you’re pressing them. Sometimes, we can be annoying to each other. But we’ve got each other’s backs, which is even more important than those moments of just being mad. A friend once asked me how I know she’s the one. My answer? “She’s the person I can take the most bullshit from without getting mad.” Ain’t love grand?
- We’ve been together for 3 1/2 years — as you get older, you can figure out more about the relationships you have in a shorter amount of time. I knew after a year that Sarah and I would likely be together for a long time, but though she wanted to get engaged right then, I thought it best to give us time to get to know each other. (Which is why I proposed a couple of years later). But in that time, I did my checks and balances for a good amount of compatibility, and I’m happy with the results.
- We both wanted to marry young enough to enjoy at least a few years of marriage child-free—the older you get, the harder it is to conceive, not to mention raising children. If we have a kid at 30, when they’re 15, we’ll be 45. The longer you wait, the less energy you’ll have.
- Sarah and I both come from good, caring families, which helps family gathering to be a lot easier.
- Sarah’s reliable.
- We communicate well.
- We both have no real desire to date anyone else. We’re cool with how things are and are loyal to the cause.
- Sarah is not crazy. VERY IMPORTANT.
But this wedding wouldn’t have come together without the help of so many people. In the moments where the guest list suddenly grew from 160 to 220; where my enthusiasm needed tempering by Sarah’s ability to plan; where things needed doing and I didn’t even look at the budget anymore (peace of mind eventually outweighs the price tag) — we needed all the help we could get.
Getting Married — The Thank Yous.
- To DJ Jiten from Empire Entertainment — you were handpicked by me to provide the music for this; I know you won’t let me down. We’re all ready to PAR-TAY!!!
- To all the family and friends who’ll be part of this day — thank you so much. You’ll hear it in our speech and anytime we meet over the course of today, but it’s sincere when I say I love you all and you’ve all helped to get me to this point.
- To both sets of parents — you’ll probably never read this, but thank you to my first Mom and Dad for caring enough to keep me going and growing, and my new Mom and Dad for accepting me so readily and not hassling me… too much 😉 I kid. You’re all amazing, and I hope that Sarah and I reflect your dedication to raising good children.
- And of course, Sarah. I love you immensely; you’ll come across this eventually, and I hope this was all compelling enough for why this all makes sense — I know we’ll have an amazing life together, and I hope you’re happy that now your name is that much easier to pronounce. (Dutch last names be hard to pronounce properly over here!)
And so ends the days of Casey the Unmarried. Welcome to the next phase!
the end. (and the new beginning.)
–Casey E. Palmer